"Principles are ways of successfully dealing with reality to get what you want out of life." -- Ray Dalio, macro investor and founder of Bridgewater Associates
In the last couple of years since reading Dalio's book, I've established a few of my own principles that have helped guide me through life. Among my most valuable principles is this:
Self-awareness is the foundation of all human potential.
Starting with definitions:
- self-awareness: conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives, and desires.
- potential: having or showing the capacity to become or develop into something in the future.
To go anywhere, you must first understand where you are. But what does that understanding actually mean? How do you use that perspective to benefit your future? And once you have a clear perspective on yourself, and a clear perspective on how you're perceived by others -- which is never accurate or complete -- how do you use that to grow, to increase your potential? And finally, once you have a basic understanding of yourself, the real work begins to understand how you got there. What history of experiences shaped who you are today? These are some of the most difficult, most important questions you can spend the time to answer. The answers give you the keys to your life.
A lack of self-awareness is loud and easy to identify. We all know that person. They are constantly acting. Everything seems forced, fake, and even scripted. Their acting becomes obvious to others and the palpable inauthenticity pushes them, sadly, further and further away from connection and trust, and from quality relationships.
On the other hand, great self-awareness is quiet, calm, steady, and less obvious. Those with great self-awareness know their flaws, they embrace them, they are always learning, and are thus more humble. Humility typically makes them grounded, more open, trustworthy, and confident. They are real, and they don't need to oversell anything.
But what is the value of focusing on and embracing our internal truths and the challenges that come with gaining a greater sense of self?
Self-awareness is the "you are here" dot on the map. Without it, a map is cool, interesting, even beautiful, but functionally, it's useless. With it, the map becomes a key to unlock the world; it becomes a guide. That dot is clarity of relative positioning. When you know where, who, and what you are, you can direct yourself through life with purpose. You learn methods to get what you want, and critically, you learn with whom to engage.
Knowing your own strengths and weaknesses can show you what to work on and what to emphasize. You get a clear sense of how external factors affect you, how you learn, what and who you are influenced by. Self-awareness gives you a guide from the inside out about where you want to go and what paths to take. It gives you the ability to make a plan.
Knowing yourself starts with how you feel. The most challenging aspect of life to be honest about is your feelings -- glad, sad, mad, afraid -- the basics. In almost every situation and experience, you're likely to have one of these feelings as a reaction. When you increase your self-awareness to Yoda-levels, you turn these reactions into reflections. You're slowing down reactions and staying present and aware of what is going on inside, such that you reflect on what is happening and why in real-time, in the present. This allows you to observe without being affected. Your awareness of your feelings translates into self-control.
That said, I'm not sure one can ever know themself exactly. Maybe perfect self-awareness is admitting you won't ever completely know yourself? I say, embrace the unknown, and dive in with fearless intellectual and emotional curiosity. You're probably saying, "that sounds too tough, too confusing, and too complex." You're not wrong, but it's worth it. Over time, with hard work and internal honesty, you can gain an overwhelming clarity of self -- which can empower you to reach new levels of achievement and accomplishment you never thought possible.
Sometime in my journey at Uber, I became very conscious of my age and lack of experience. It was my first rodeo and it became a damn big rodeo quickly. I was in a position to manage and lead professionals older and more experienced than I was by a decade. I feared a truth that was obvious to me and everyone else -- until I embraced it completely.
I began to share my age, share my inexperience, and share the processes I was using to learn more, faster. I shared the books I was reading, the advice I was getting, and the fears that I had about big decisions or responsibilities. When I embraced my situation and became aware of these realities, they were no longer weaknesses, they were strengths. Nobody was putting in this kind of effort to learn. Nobody was this transparent and honest with the nerves that went along with the role. Nobody was this self-aware, this honest. (I realize how ridiculous it sounds to say nobody was this self-aware, but that's how it felt. It felt like a huge discovery, and I was empowered!) My learning became my teaching.
Being this vulnerable became an example I could set, and others began to share their own insecurities and nerves with me. Others began to seek coaching or offer it, both were valuable. I found my own coaches in business mentors and even a therapist. I began to learn my own history and where those original insecurities were formed.
I learned how the experiences of my past shape my reactions today, and that was powerful. It enabled me to comfortably engage in even the toughest situations, and that comfort gave me newfound confidence to be myself without fear of exposure. Getting to these truths is difficult but not impossible, and often easier with a trained coach or therapist to help ask the right questions. That sense of self allows you to take control. Full control of your environment is an illusion, but self-control is a superpower.
With self-control and self-awareness you know "you are here" and with "you are here" you really can go anywhere.